Inspired by Dear Abby — a column my mother, Ann, loved — Ask Ann is a curated space for spiritual perspective on everyday life questions.

Visitors may submit questions below. If selected, Ashley will channel her late mother, Ann, and share considered, maternal guidance shaped by experience and quiet wisdom. Responses are published on this page.

The Ask Ann Advice Column is updated approximately once per month. Posting schedules may vary during periods of travel, holidays, or events.

Questions may address any situation where practical, motherly counsel is sought. Example topics include interpersonal conflict, family decisions, or everyday ethical dilemmas.

All submissions become the property of Ashley Wong / Made by a Real Witch™ and may be edited or shortened for clarity and publication. Submissions do not receive private responses outside of this website.

Personal information — including last names, phone numbers, and email addresses — is never shared publicly. If you wish your first name to remain private, please indicate this at the time of submission and a substitute name will be used.

Featured Q/A

“New”

Dear Ann,

My spouse hides candy wrappers in the couch cushions. I've found piles of chocolate bar and licorice wrappers. Should I confront them or start my own secret snack war?

Buried Wrappers

Dear Buried Wrappers,

Skip the snack war. It might be funny for a day, but it won't solve anything.

Instead, buy a bag of your spouse's favorite treats, leave it on the kitchen counter with a little note that says, "I thought these might be more comfortable here than in the couch cushions." Sometimes a little humor gets the message across better than frustration.

If the wrappers keep appearing, have a simple conversation. It's perfectly reasonable to expect everyone in the house to clean up after themselves. Small habits are much easier to change with kindness than with scorekeeping.

Best of luck.

~ Ann

* * *

“New”

Dear Ann,

My brother has an annoying habit of spoiling the endings of movies he has already seen whenever the rest of us are watching them for the first time. He thinks it's funny, but everyone else finds it frustrating - to the point where friends have stopped coming over.

I love my brother and I want to include him, but he doesn’t seem to understand how inappropriate his behavior is. I want to duct tape his mouth shut, but I don't think that's legal. What else can I do?

Sincerely,

Spoiler Alert

Dear Spoiler Alert,

While duct tape might seem appealing in a situation like this, it is not the answer (or legal).

Before your next movie night, establish one simple rule: no spoilers. Make sure everyone knows that once the movie starts, the ending stays a secret until the credits roll.

If your brother slips once, give him a friendly reminder. If it happens again, follow through with a consequence. Tell him he'll have to sit out future movie nights until he can respect the rule.

A joke is only funny when everyone laughs. If his habit drives people away, it's not harmless teasing—it's affecting everyone else's enjoyment.

Hopefully, he'll decide that sharing popcorn is more fun than sharing plot twists.

Best of luck.

~ Ann

* * *

“New”

My dad spends multiple hours a day tracking a bird he calls Len. I thought it was weird, but let him do his thing. Recently he cancelled lunch with me for Len and I’m struggling to understand if this is normal.

Any assistance would be appreciated.

Sharon

Dear Sharon,

Unless Len is convincing your father to skip work, sell the house, or move into a tree, I'd be inclined to see this as an enthusiastic hobby rather than a problem.

Many people discover a passion later in life. For some it's gardening, fishing, photography, or woodworking. For your father, it just happens to have feathers.

That doesn't mean your disappointment isn't real. If he cancelled plans with you, it's understandable that your feelings were hurt.

Instead of competing with Len, try joining him.

Ask your father to meet you for lunch in the park (or wherever he does his bird watching) and let him teach you about something he loves.

Wishing you all well.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

I have a friend who insists on calling me by a nickname that I’ve never liked. I’ve told her several times that I prefer my actual name, but she laughs it off and says the nickname suits me better.

At first I tried to ignore it because it didn’t seem worth arguing over, but after years of hearing it, I find myself getting irritated every time she says it. The nickname isn’t insulting, but it isn’t my name, and I don’t understand why she refuses to stop using it.

Part of me wonders if I’m being too sensitive. Another part feels that if someone cares about you, they should respect something as simple as what you want to be called.

Is it unreasonable to ask for a nickname ceasefire, or should I just let it go?

Sincerely,

That’s Not My Name

Dear That’s Not My Name,

A nickname ceasefire is absolutely possible, but only if both people are willing to participate.

The issue here isn't really the nickname. It's respect.

Most people have preferences about what they like to be called. Some enjoy nicknames. Others don't. Neither position is wrong. If you've politely told your friend that you prefer your actual name, the reasonable response is to make an effort to use it.

That said, this may not be as personal as it feels. Some people use nicknames as a sign of affection or familiarity and don't realize how strongly the other person dislikes them. Your friend may think she's being friendly rather than disrespectful.

The best approach is to be direct and matter-of-fact.

Instead of laughing it off or hinting, say something like: "I know you mean well, but I really don't like that nickname. I'd appreciate it if you'd use my actual name."

Then pay attention to what happens next.

If she makes an honest effort, even if she slips occasionally, the problem is probably solved. If she continues using it after you've clearly expressed your wishes, then the nickname is no longer the issue. The issue is that she's choosing her preference over yours.

A person's name is one of the most basic ways we acknowledge who they are. Wanting yours respected is not being overly sensitive.

Best of luck.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

A family member has some terrible photos of me on her phone that I wish had never been taken. She took the photos on a day I wasn't expecting company and was looking my worst. She didn't ask permission to take the photos. She just took them like it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. I feel violated and embarrassed. What should I do?

Barb

Dear Barb,

Feeling embarrassed is understandable.

The larger issue here isn't the photos themselves. It's the intent behind them.

If someone snaps a picture in the moment without thinking, that's one thing. If someone intentionally takes a photograph that they know will make another person look bad, that's something else entirely. It shows a lack of consideration and respect.

You cannot control what is already on her phone, but you can address the behavior directly. Tell her that you did not appreciate having your photograph taken and that you would like the pictures deleted.

After that, pay attention to her response.

A sincere apology and a willingness to respect your wishes in the future would go a long way. Defensiveness, excuses, or a refusal to stop would tell you that this is part of a larger pattern rather than an isolated incident.

Either way, I would adjust your expectations going forward. If someone has shown poor judgment in the past, it is reasonable to be more guarded in the future. You may decide to be more selective about what you share, how much time you spend together, or the situations in which you allow yourself to be vulnerable around them.

Most importantly, try not to view yourself through the lens of those photographs. An unflattering picture captures a fraction of a second. It does not define your appearance, your worth, or how the people who truly care about you see you.

Best of luck.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

It is tax return season. My husband and I always discuss and agree on where to spend that extra money, but this year we are at odds. I want to renovate our bathroom - very old house and desperately needed. My husband wants to buy a truck for himself. He already has a truck that has been maintained and looks fine. Can you help us decide?

Torn Between Two Projects

Dear Torn Between Two Projects,

When two people want different things, the first question is not, "Which one is better?" It's, "Which one is needed most?"

A bathroom that is outdated may be inconvenient, but a truck that is running well and meeting its purpose may not need replacing simply because a newer one is available. On the other hand, if there are issues with the current vehicle that affect reliability, safety, or future repair costs, those factors deserve consideration as well.

Rather than focusing on who wants what, try making a list together. What needs to be done to the bathroom? What problems would the renovation solve? Then do the same for the truck. Is the current truck becoming expensive to maintain, or is the desire for a new one largely based on preference?

Once everything is on paper, the answer often becomes clearer.

If both projects are legitimate priorities, you might also consider compromise. Perhaps some of the tax return could go toward improvements in the bathroom while the remainder is set aside toward a future vehicle purchase.

The most important thing is to avoid treating the tax refund as "his money" or "your money." If you've always approached these decisions as a team, continue doing so. The goal isn't for one person to win. The goal is to make the decision that best serves the household as a whole.

Best of luck.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

I recently shared some information with a friend, who then turned around and shared my personal business with others. Do I confront her or take a step back?

Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

Take a step back, and then decide whether a direct conversation is worth it. If she shared something private after you trusted her with it, that is a breach of confidence, and you do not need to pretend it was harmless.

The best first move is to step back and decide whether you still want the friendship. If you do, speak plainly and calmly: “I told you that in confidence, and I was hurt that you shared it. I need my private matters to stay private.” Then see what she does next. If she respects that, fine. If she brushes it off or repeats the behavior, keep her at a distance and stop sharing anything personal with her.

Best of luck.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,
My best friend always turns every conversation back to herself. How do I get a word in?
Sue

Dear Sue,

When someone keeps redirecting the conversation to themselves, it’s often a habit, but it’s still okay to interject. You don’t need to wait for the perfect opening - calmly say, “I want to finish what I was saying,” or “Can I share something too?” without apologizing. You can also bring it up gently at another time: “I’ve noticed I don’t always get a chance to share. A lot is happening in my world and I would love the opportunity to tell you about it.” A good friend will hear you and adjust; if not, that tells you something important. The best friendships are balanced. You both share. You both listen.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

I am having an issue with my daughter aged 28. She has recently estranged myself and my husband. She says it's due to my disrespect towards her. I have not disrespected her at all. I am of the belief that her husband doesn't like the fact that I've told her that she has a voice in her relationship, that she doesn't have to go with all of his "rules". He doesn't discuss, he just tells her the way things are going to be. I told her that if she doesn't agree with them, that she is allowed to say so. Because of that I'm not allowed to see her or my granddaughter for the past 6 months

Sandra

Dear Sandra,

This is a painful place to be, and I’m going to speak to you the way a steady, grounded mother would. Right now, your daughter has created distance and named “disrespect” as the reason - even if you don’t agree with that, it’s still her experience. When adult children pull away, it’s often less about one moment and more about how they feel over time. The most helpful thing you can do isn’t to argue your intent or focus on her husband, it’s to gently turn your attention back to the relationship with her. Reach out in a calm, non-defensive way and say something like, “I can see you’re hurt, and that matters to me. I may not fully understand, but I want to. I’m here when you’re ready.” Leave space for her to come forward. At the same time, be honest with yourself about how your concerns about her marriage may have come across - sometimes what feels like support to a parent can feel like pressure or interference to someone trying to manage their own life. You don’t need to abandon your instincts, but you do need to respect that it’s her relationship to navigate. Keep the door open, keep your tone soft, and resist the urge to push or prove your point. Reconnection, if it comes, will come through patience and a willingness to listen more than speak.

Wishing you well.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,
I’m a mother of two children - ages 8 and 11 - and I’m married. My husband and I both work full time. While my husband and kids will help with chores when I ask, I’m exhausted from always having to be the one who asks.

I don’t want to feel like the “bad guy” constantly pointing out what needs to be done. It feels like I’m carrying the weight of the entire household.

How do I get them to step up and help more without having to direct everything?
Sincerely,
Exhausted

Dear Exhausted,

What you’re feeling isn’t just about chores, it’s about being the one who has to notice everything.

Right now, your household depends on you to manage, delegate, and follow up. That’s a heavy role on top of everything else you’re doing.

The goal isn’t to ask more - it’s to stop being the manager.

Have a calm conversation with your husband outside of a stressful moment. Let him know you need shared responsibility, not help when asked.

For your children, assign consistent, age-appropriate responsibilities so you’re not repeating yourself.

There may be resistance at first, but consistency matters. Step back enough to let others step in.

You’re not asking for help. You’re asking for partnership.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,
I don’t mind cooking or grocery shopping, but I really dislike having to plan meals for my family every week. Coming up with ideas that are healthy and not repetitive feels like a chore in itself.

How can I create a meal plan that works, stays balanced, and doesn’t get boring?
Thank you,
Brenda

Dear Brenda,

For many people, it’s not the cooking - it’s the constant decision making that becomes exhausting.

Instead of planning from scratch each week, build a small rotation of meals your family already enjoys. Even 10 to 12 reliable options is enough.

You can assign simple themes to days or repeat a weekly plan for a few weeks at a time. Most families don’t need constant variety - they need meals that are easy and dependable.

If possible, involve your family by having them choose between options or suggest a few favorites.

Meal planning doesn’t need to be creative to be effective. It just needs to work.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

My husband and I have been married for nearly 40 years, and over the decades we’ve shared many conversations about major events in the news. One that has stayed with us is the O.J. Simpson case. Back in 1994, we watched the infamous white Bronco chase together on television and followed the trial as it unfolded. We later paid attention to the civil suit, the release of If I Did It — the book O.J. Simpson wrote and later lost control of to the Goldman family — and the many legal troubles he faced in the years that followed. From everything I’ve seen and read over the years, I’ve always believed he committed the crimes. The If I Did It book — presented as hypothetical but written by Simpson himself — cemented it for me.

My husband, however, tends to see the good in people and has always maintained that O.J. was innocent. From my perspective, that feels like minimizing or overlooking the seriousness of abuse and violence. Even though O.J. Simpson has now passed away, we still find ourselves arguing about this from time to time.

So who is right?

Sincerely,

Justice

Dear Justice,

After nearly 40 years of marriage, the two of you have clearly built a life that can withstand the occasional disagreement — even a long-running one like this. Big public cases often leave people with strong feelings, and it’s very common for thoughtful people to look at the same set of events and come to different conclusions. Your husband’s tendency to look for the good in people and your instinct to take the evidence seriously simply reflect two different ways of seeing the world. Neither of you is likely to persuade the other at this point, and that’s alright.

Sometimes the healthiest choice in a marriage is learning which conversations are worth continuing — and which ones have run their course. The next time the subject arises, you could gently say, “Well, I suppose this will remain one of our great unresolved debates,” and then change the subject to something more pleasant. After all, there are far better things to spend your time discussing than a case from thirty years ago.

In the end, the only people who truly knew what happened that night are no longer here: Nicole, Ron, and O.J. The rest of the world can only speculate. It may be kinder to let that chapter of public history rest with them. Agreeing to disagree is not a failure in a relationship; often it’s a quiet sign of wisdom and respect.

Kindly,

~ Ann

* * *

Warning. The following Q/A - regarding the death of a child/abuse - may be upsetting.

Dear Ann,

I am a paramedic and have witnessed the final moments of many lives — people I tried to save but ultimately could not. Over time, I came to understand that birth and death are natural parts of the human life cycle. Because of that, death itself has rarely troubled me in the way people might expect.

But there was one experience that has stayed with me.

I responded to a call involving a small child who had suffered severe head trauma at home. The death was officially ruled an accident, but something about the situation has never sat right with me. The child died in my arms.

Since that day, I have not been able to let it go.

I am currently in therapy and on stress leave, and while those supports have been helpful, the memory of that moment still returns. I think about that child often and find myself feeling emotionally stuck — as though I’m suspended in a kind of empty void that I can’t seem to move beyond.

What can someone do when an experience like this refuses to leave them?

I am haunted by this.

Sincerely,

Rex

Dear Rex,

The fact that this moment stayed with you does not mean you are weak — it means you are human. Paramedics witness things most people will never see, and while experience can help us understand that death is part of life, the loss of a child reaches a deeper place in the heart. The fact that you are in therapy and taking time to recover shows wisdom and strength, not failure.

It may help to remember that in that child’s final moments, they were not alone. They were held by someone who was trying to help them. Even when the outcome could not be changed, your presence still mattered. Sometimes our minds return to these moments because they feel unresolved, but not every tragedy has an answer that will bring peace.

For now, be gentle with yourself and allow healing to take time. Keep leaning on the support you already have, and when the memory surfaces, try to remind yourself of the truth: you showed up, you did your best, and you cared. Over time, that moment can become something you carry with compassion rather than something that traps you in it.

Sending gentle hugs your way.

~ Ann

* * *

Dear Ann,

I’m a 25-year-old woman with a family member who constantly questions me about my personal life — whether I’m in a relationship, if I plan to get married, and whether I intend to have children someday. She tends to grill me about these things whenever we’re together. I don’t think she realizes how intrusive it is, but the questions come up again and again.

I know she cares about me, and I don’t believe she’s trying to be hurtful. At the same time, the constant curiosity feels very personal and uncomfortable. My choices as an adult are private, and I don’t feel they should be open for ongoing discussion.

I would like to set healthy boundaries with her, but I’m not looking to argue or damage the relationship. Lately, I’ve even started leaving the room when she’s around just to avoid having the same conversation yet again.

How can I shut this down in a respectful way so it doesn’t keep happening?

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

Families can be a blessing and a handful all at once, can’t they? When relatives begin poking into your personal life as though they’re entitled to every detail, it’s a signal that it’s time to establish some boundaries. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about your relationship status, marriage plans, or whether you intend to have children simply because you share a last name.

Start by keeping your tone calm and light. A simple response such as, “That’s something I prefer to keep private,” or “I’ll let you know if there’s ever any news to share,” can go a long way. When said kindly but without apology, most people will understand the message. And if they don’t - change the subject. Ask them a question instead. People love to talk about themselves and it shifts the spotlight off of you.

If they continue to press for answers, despite your efforts, it’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself — refill your coffee, step away for a moment, or turn your attention elsewhere. At that point, you’re not being rude; you’re reinforcing a boundary that your personal life isn’t open for ongoing discussion. In time, most people stop pressing when they realize the door simply isn’t open.

You can love your family and still protect your privacy. Good boundaries are not walls. They’re fences with gates you control.

Warmly,

~ Ann ‍ ‍‍ ‍

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This page is dedicated to the memory of Ashley’s mother, Ann.

Born in Merseyside, England in 1939, Ann learned the traditional arts of palm reading, tea leaf reading, and playing cards from her mother, grandmother, and great-aunts in the 1940s. She later passed these practices on to her daughter during the 1970s and 1980s, preserving a family lineage rooted in observation, intuition, and lived experience.

Ann was a mother of four, a grandmother to three, and a great-grandmother to three. She spent the final years of her life in a nursing home in Northern British Columbia, where she continued to read tea leaves for fellow residents during afternoon tea.

Her readings became so sought after by residents and staff that she was given a permanent tea leaf reading station next to the gift shop, where eager advice seekers would stand in line to get their fortunes told for $20.

Ann on her wedding day in 1961. Gone but not forgotten. May she rest in peace.

P.S. My mother would have loved this.

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